Son's heart gives life to transplant patient

07 October 2009Wendy Selby knows the heartbreak that comes from losing a loved one.

On August 9, 2003 her 22-year-old son Jared was run down by a female driver who veered off the road and on to the footpath while trying to open a Coke bottle.

Jared was walking in Hamilton with his girlfriend of 15 months, surf lifesaving international Johanna O'Connor, when he was struck.

He died from an irreversible brain injury on August 11.

Lance Corporal Selby, an engineer with the Army who served two stints in East Timor, was 10 days shy of his 23rd birthday when his life support ventilator was turned off.

Ms O'Connor was put into a drug-induced coma and underwent numerous operations to repair her shattered legs and spent months recuperating from her horrific injuries.

Last month was the sixth anniversary of Jared's death - but his vital organs live on in six people because of his decision to donate his organs.

Mrs Selby said she recalled vividly her and husband Paul, a sergeant in charge of the Tauranga police dog section, being told by doctors at Waikato Hospital to "pray for a miracle" to save their son.

Mrs Selby said she and her husband had waited until her daughter Melanie returned home from Scotland to say goodbye to Jared before turning off the life support.

They had signed the necessary consents for his organs to be taken.

Jared had made a will which confirmed he wanted to be buried and a full military funeral service was held in Tauranga on August 15.

Mrs Selby said everyone in her family had signalled they wanted to donate their organs via a notation on their driving licences but she and her husband had never discussed the issue of organ donation with their son.

"We decided it would be disrespectful to Jared not to give our consent," she said.

"I don't think I could have lived with myself if we had gone against Jared's wishes. Six people have gone on to have new lives which means a lot to us, as it means Jared's death wasn't in vain."

While personal information like names can't be given in correspondence between recipients and donor families, Mrs Selby said they knew Jared's heart went to a man in his 50s.

Both his kidneys and liver went to men in their 40s and his corneas to a woman in her 20s and man aged 18.

Mrs Selby said she felt ambivalent about knowing more about the recipients of Jared's organs but she would love to hear they were all doing well as there wasn't a day that went by when she didn't think about them.

Some have have contacted her and some have not, but that is okay because her son's organs were given with "no strings attached".

She recalls a phone call she received from the organ donor co-ordinator about six months after her son's death who told her: "Jared's heart just walked to the top of One Tree Hill this morning."

Mrs Selby said it's difficult to put into words how she felt.

"You're so glad that other people have been helped, but you have still lost your son. But it's hugely comforting to know that somewhere out there Jared's beaming eyes are still shining and his heart is still beating."

Mrs Selby said she wants the issue of death and organ donation to stop being a taboo subject.

"It's not something we tend to discuss at dinner parties as our death is something we always think will be years in the future but maybe it should be."

Mrs Selby said a lot of Kiwis either didn't know a lot about the issue of organ donation and a walk and talk event tomorrow was a great opportunity to find out more about the true facts.

The driver of the car that hit Mr Selby pleaded guilty to charges of careless driving causing death and careless driving causing injury.

She was sentenced to 300 hours' community service, disqualified from driving for two years and ordered to pay $5000 reparation within two years.

By Sandra Conchie - Bay of Plenty Times